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We know that the Shidduchim process is very complicated and I have noticed that, on many occasions, it is clouded by prejudices that can influence your emotions or feelings, preventing you from wanting to get to know that person a little more. On many occasions, NO is much easier to define than YES, thus preventing you from achieving at least one meeting with a person who may be compatible with you. For this reason I am proposing some tips to help you think further and give at least one chance to a possible candidate.
1) Although the ChabadMatch profile is extensive and allows you to know the person in depth, remember that it is a form that was completed based on history, upbringing, life models, stereotypes, and experiences of previous dates. Therefore, unless what you read is totally incompatible with what you are looking for in your future, we suggest you investigate the person further.
2) Use the reference contacts that you have in the form or their Shadchanim who will help you resolve questions.
3) Try not to generate prejudices about selected items or boxes and ask again what they wanted to put when checking them (for example, personality and what they are looking for in a partner). Many times what a word may mean to you, has a different meaning to another.
4) If the photos do not convince you, but the profile does, do not hesitate to request more photos. Remember that the photo is something super personal and subjective that, for the person who chose it, may have thought it was a good choice, but that really does not stand out. We also invite you to consider uploading photos that tell something about your story or reflect an interest. Don't miss the opportunity to tell more through them, that is, you can upload images doing a hobby, at work, with family (parents, nephews, children), or in nature or on the beach, that can tell something more about your tastes. A document-style photo is fine, but it prevents us from getting to know you more visually. In addition, it is important that the photo you choose is neat, framed, centered and sharp. Avoid uploading cropped photos since only a part of the whole remains, it can be pixelated and this, instead of helping, harms.
5) Try to focus on the points where you do have compatibility, before those where you don't. Sometimes by considering essential items that are not so relevant, you can miss out on meeting a great person.
6) Keep the profile updated so that it is true to your identity and be realistic with your presentation. What you say in your profile must be consistent with what you will show in your date.
7) The judgments we make are sometimes the mirror of ourselves. Sometimes, based on insecurities, fear of commitment, or seeking perfection in someone who we assume will come to complete 100% of what we already are. Before rejecting a person because of a judgment, ask yourself what is causing rejection and what would happen to you if they rejected you for the same reason.
8) Stay positive and empowered. We know that the search is not easy and takes time, but doing it in moments of anxiety and anguish due to not finding, will not lead to a successful outcome. Stay with confidence in Hashem and positivity that your treasure will rock you to seek it with faith and enthusiasm.
9) Perfection is unattainable. Stop looking for someone who meets your expectations 100%. The commitment of a couple will require that both adapt to form their own 100% and that will imply that both give up some things to complement each other. Accepting imperfections is also part of beauty.
10) Any questions you have, remember that you can turn to Shadchanim for advice.
Shadchan Emuna Minutola can be reached at anto.minutola@gmail.com.
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