my wonderful sycophants.

Well, some of you may know I’m not in my cave at all. I’m free as fuk!!! Playing in the fields, getting chased by sheep and badgers. Having the time of my life.

Yes, yes. I can hear you all collectively saying. “But Rob, you just had a holiday a few months back. What the fuk?? Shouldn’t you be back writing a sequel to Actions of Gods?”

Thanks guys.

I really appreciate the gentle insistence.

But, I already did that.

“Go on?” I hear you wonder.

That’s right. I’ve finished not one book this year, but two!!!!!!!!!

“But Rob, are you saying you’ve hit your deadlines for once? Because I’m certain that’s never happened before.”

That’s a great point.

It’s as though I had a helping hand.

An artificial hand

An intelligent hand at that.…….

…….

…….

That piss poor joke managed to annoy me.

Fuk AI.

Absolutely bring it out the back and put it out of its misery.

I truly believe these shitty AI programs are slowly bringing about the death of creative humankind.

Why think when a stealing program will do it for you?

Why hone your craft when a stealing program can just shit out a piece of puke that you can put your name on.

Oh, I’m so mad now.

Here I was, writing a cheery email about finishing a book and I went and said the forbidden no-no words.

In essence, no, I will never use a stealing program like that.

I’m all about the money but some things aren’t worth adding to the creative demise of a people.

Rant over.

Nearly.

Nope.

One more.

Bear with me.

What’s with nobody buying the rights to Spark City: The Movie yet????

The series has been completed for a few months now.

I mean, it’s great and epic and good, and just perfect.

And I’d like the money.

We could have Timothy Chalamet play Erroh. I’m sure he’d like the role.

I could play Highwind.

Guaranteed smash success.

No.1 for a record breaking weeks.

It’ll be the Cats of the movie industry.

Not the movie. The actual Broadway show.

Cats I mean. Not Spark City.

Spark City would be a terrible Broadway Show.

Because I’d insist on doing the music.

And just what’s the legality of horses on Broadway?

Something to think about….

……What the fuk was I talking about????

My secret project is finished MONTHS ahead of schedule. It’s already with my editor and I should receive it back soon enough. In laments terms, I’ll have another book out this year.

It’s just a shame you guys don’t actually know what it is, because I’m fairly certain that you legends will lose your shit when you hear what it is.

Just not today.

Aw look, don’t do that face. Don’t do it. What’s with the rolling the eyes????

It’s not my call.

It really isn’t.

If I had my way things would be quite different. (I’d charge about double the price for Actions of Gods, for one thing.) I’d also happily reveal the cover in this post and all. (It is hands down my favourite cover ever!!!)

Tragically, it’s the Cheque Writing Pricks who make the decisions and have denied me permission.

(I love them really, especially on cheque day.)

The CWP’s want an explosive announcement, followed by some fanfare of trumpets and parades, all while guaranteeing me those sweet dolla dolla bills. Or some shit like that. Really, I wasn’t listening. I rarely do. You guys know that. I think they do too. I think they mentioned their whole launch plan. They definitely gave me dates and what it would mean for you the readers, and me the writer, but I just got distracted looking at a really nice bird out the window, sitting on a fence. Fairly certain it was a peregrine falcon but it might easily have been a pigeon. The sun was behind it, and I’m an idiot.

Also, I had my mind on fun things like working out the notes on my next book.

But hey, one secret project announcement at a time, eh?

Anyway, in anticipation of my announcement about a previously unannounced book that is going to be announced, I’ve decided to offer a signed copy to the first person who replies to this email and correctly guesses what the secret project will be, before the actual announcement.

There will be an announcement when that announcement will occur.

“But Rob, we didn’t bother paying attention to any of the clues you gave,” I hear you say.

Fair enough.

I can’t remember what I told you either, and I am not trawling through the insane ramblings of a drunken Irish author to find them either.

So fuk it here’s some new-ish clues.

It’s a double barreled title - R R.

It is NOT set in Dellerin (but wouldn’t a sequel to the Crimson and The Seven really flesh out that world a little bit more? Yeah it would. But I’m not going to talk about that right now.)

It IS however set in the Spark world, BUT doesn’t feature an Erroh or Lea story. Because their story is done. Right?

RIGHT!!!!

It’s also not a Spark City prequel or a sequel.

It’s not Magnus or Elise either, but I miss those legends already. How cool would a tale involving them be? But that probably would fall under a prequel wouldn’t it? I mean- there certainly seems like some awesome fan fiction to be made around the Four Factions Wars methinks.

Hmmm.

Anyway, for this new unannounced project, all I can add is that there is definitely a tale that was left untold throughout the four Spark Books. Something I always intended to write. I even left a few clues in the text. A tale I really wanted to tell.

Something, I wanted to write in the same vein as my first idol in the literary world, David Gemmel.

In fact, that just reminded me. A wonderful little moment occurred the other day. I hate flexing because when you are as good as me, you don’t need to… but, I posted on “his” Facebook page and a Spark fan jumped in and on the holiest of sites, noticed it was me and then mentioned their love for the Spark City Series.

That was a truly wonderful moment.

I suspect that legend is on my mail list as they offered an in joke and all.

Seriously dude, you absolutely made my day.

To add to my reply, the sheep were a blessing while they were there, because they’ve fuked off fully and we’ve just got horses now and the dogs are going absolutely batshit crazy as they run up and down the field alongside our land.

What else?

Oh yeah, Dave had a question.

Again.

Fuken Dave.

(PS- If anyone wants to be mentioned, state it in your message, otherwise Dave the bastard gets the credit.)

Anyway, Dave asked why I don’t include maps in my books.

Fuken here Dave. There you go. A fuken map. As only I want it to be.

I cannot stress how much the maps shit stirred the pot between me and the CWP. They wanted a map since day one. They fought, begged, threatened and bribed. And I totally get it. The reader wants to envision the world. Wants to see the route the heroes take and all that. Really super totally get it. So many amazing books have done such similar things.

I didn’t want a world map, because I never actually envisioned the world.

I just made it up as I went along, hoping nobody would tell. And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for that pesky bastard Dave sniffing around. (Sorry, I walked into the living room yesterday and Jan was watching the supernatural episode with scooby doo on. I was like “ooh, I’ll work that into my email as a joke.” Seriously though, what an episode. Dean’s joy throughout. Fuken genius. Love that show.)

Back to maps.

Of course I have a drawn map of the Four Factions and beyond.

It was actually by choice that I put no maps in. Much of the story revolves around maps and their inaccuracy throughout.

No one in the book has an accurate map.

(Apart from Aurora, but that map is skewed far worse than any others, because it’s from a time when the ancients walked the world.)

I felt if the characters hadn’t a perfect idea of what the world looked like, why should the readers? In a way, I’d like to think as they blindly traverse the Factions, you all as readers are carried along. You all aren’t looking to the path ahead wondering what exactly awaits.

So the map that you can get from my website is a design that is based on Sigi’s first map. It’s fairly inaccurate, but not entirely useless, and I love the idea of the little notes Erroh wrote in for his own reference.

Right, they’ve no more notes for me. I’m heading back out on the swings to play- so here, a few thoughts to leave you with.

Buy my books.

Leave reviews.

Tell the world I’m the best on socials (One of you legend fuks doesn’t have to do this. In fact, no homework for you this week at all, dude. Honestly, the rest of you could learn from his behaviour.)

Right. I’m exhausted and I have a new Valheim biome I need to explore.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

The ROB