Fuk sake. I was having such a lovely morning and this fuken reminder comes in.

“Talk to your mail list.”

I thought I’d already sent out a mail this month. I hadn’t. You’ll never know the heartbreak when I look at the date and realise I can’t afford to put mail list shit off for another few days.

So, what do I do when I’ve nothing to say?

Because, I’ve nothing to say at all.

Might give an Outcasts update, but I haven’t decided.

Not sure I want you guys shouting at me.

Oh, I’m in no mood for my shit today. No mood for a ramble. I think its cos I’m hungry. I haven’t even eaten breakfast and its like 2 pm here. Might have a hangover. I don’t know yet. I’m in the in-between times. Where the sun is shining but at any moment it's WHAM!!! Fuk you and your day!!

We’ve all been there. Even your kids. In fact, they’re probably still drunk now. Why else are they still in bed at this time? You should check the water to alcohol levels of your spirits in the cabinet.

Ugh, why did I ramble on about alcohol. Here it comes. The clouds are forming. I just want to watch Netflix and my xbox is updating.

MY LIFE IS SO TOUGH!

…..REVIEW MY BOOKS!!!!

See, now when They come back and say “remove the first nonsense section of email” I’ll be like, “I was building to a plea for reviews.”

You know, if a slew of honest reviews came in, it might make me look better.

Fuk yeah. My xbox just updated and I’m 277 words in.

And, I’ve just found the notes They’ve given me. Shit. They’re kind of important.

Aw, They are going to hate this email so much.

When I was 12 I never had hangovers.

That’s what we call an overshare.

Anyway, buy The Crimson Hunters to ease the itch between Spark City Books. It's where the real shit is at.

Trust me.

Also, for once, I don't mind you guys getting it for next to nothing. It's a fun read (in my far from humble opinion) and, well, we've had a right fuken shit year and maybe a few laughs is what we all need right now. 

There's also needless nudity, super duper violence and just a smidgen of tasteful savage brutality in there as well, so I'm appealing to everyone really.

But why Rob, oh great one? Why are you actually being nice to us for once?

I don't know. 

Because of the source?

Sounds legit.

Besides, there's no way in fuk I'll ever reduce the price of the sequel so I may as well catch you in my Dellerin trap as early as possible. Of course, I don't actually have a choice in those matters...

Speaking of the awesome Crimson Hunters. The audio book by those brilliant people at Podium has a release date. It will be out 29^th June.

I know a few of you have been asking about the Crimson sequel already. (Because I don’t have enough crushing pressure.) There are quite a few stories to tell, but not until this Spark City Cycle is complete. So… like… um… Fuk Off?

Are you guys still reading?

Probably not. Some of you are off probably shouting at the kids.

My work is done.

To those still reading.

Here’s some news on The Outcasts.

I’m half way and I’d like to think its coming on pretty well. Really fuken well.

But wait there’s more.

They seem to have faith in me hitting a deadline so very much to my dismay, they’ve put up a pre-order for the book.

Worse, a few of you fuks already started prebooking it. Didn’t even wait for the art work or a blurb or anything

Right, I’m in bits here.

I’m going to seek out some breakfast.

Take care my wonderful sycophants.

Stay safe.

Rob. 

(Oh great one.)