Shit is getting real.

I’m really not allowed to joke too much on these emails at all.

So I’m doing my absolute best to stick to script.

Yep, those fuks wrote me a script and all. They did tell me people would buy more copies of my books if I stick to script.

So I’m sticking to script.

Sort of.

1. HYPE AOG
2. Tell them why it's going to be your best work and why you are so excited about it.
3. PLAYLIST WITH LINK TO SPOTIFY.
4. That’s it.
5. That’s absolutely it, Rob.
6. You can crack your jokes down around here.
7. And please don’t make it too long.
8. You smell.
9. See, we can be funny too, you prick.

So about AOG. Some of you keen eyed readers might have spotted AOG is a reference to The Actions of Gods.

You are right!

AND IT IS SO VERY FUKEN CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is going to be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll tell you why, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY!!???!!!

Because they told me to tell you it would be awesome?

Fuk sake.

Keep up.

And also, it will be your book of the year.

Fuk that.

It will be bigger than that.

It is so super awesome good, I’m convinced it’ll make the Spark City series your favourite series of all time.

All (*kind of) joking aside( *because I am fuken awesome and so is the book) I like to think I’m fairly new to this writing lark and every time I write a book I learn how to do it better. This book is like three normal books long. So the quality between it and The Outcasts is phenomenal!

Once I get back to finishing the Dellerin series, I’ll be a fuken writing god!!!!

And then you fuks might actually buy it, instead of complaining that you won’t start a new series unless I’ve finished the first.

WELL IT IS FINISHED AND IT IS AWESOME!!!

Remember I mentioned last email that there are sheep back in the field behind me. They were there for a few weeks until the other day they were moved to another field. Tragically, one of the sheep (It’s okay, he’s alive and well,) slipped the sheepdog’s watch, and got left behind.

And now there’s a massive field barely filled with any sheep at all.

Anyway, the little dude seems fairly down about all his buddy sheep gone to another area altogether. I tried telling him how covid fuked us all up with cramped quarters and no free movement, and that he has a field all to himself which is fuken awesome (like a certain AOG). He wasn’t at all convinced separation wasn’t the worst thing ever.

Stupid farmer miscounting the sheep.

I’ll wait another week and then I’m going for that sheep. I’ll keep him on my side of the fence. I’ll ironically call him Shep. It’ll be great. He can eat our lawn. It costs a fortune to get it cut all summer and I can’t just do it myself because I’m afraid of falling under the ride-on lawn mower.

IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!

Rob fact #78

I once nearly got decapitated by a regular lawnmower when the blade snapped off. I wasn’t even drinking or attempting wheelies either.

Now tell me the sheep isn’t a good idea?

Plus…um… if I get lonely some night…. WE CAN SNUGGLE!!!!!

Whoa, what were you thinking I meant?

Classless, you are.

Now back to promoting myself with a Spotify Spark City playlist, but first, did you legends know that in another life I somehow managed to screw myself out of getting a record contract from a massive record label that I absolutely won’t name. It wasn’t their fault, it was because I was an idiot.

It’s actually a funny story.

I’ll tell it another time when I’ve no stories about sheep or badgers to deal with.

Anyway, I’m passionate about music, and music was something that went through my mind when writing certain scenes of Spark City. I don’t know why. Except, I totally do. It takes a long time to write a book so my mind wanders.

A lot.

You have read my emails- between myself and you guys, what the fuk do I go on about half the time? Like really???

Anyway, with a wandering mind, I have envisioned many times Apple, or Netflix, or the greatest of them all, “Ardmore studios” making Spark into a massively successful movie series.

I always imagined some scenes played out to the backdrop of some of these great songs. For example, I can’t listen to Sophia by Nerina Pallot without imagining Erroh and his new mate struggling through the forest, hating each other, nearly drowning on occasion, daring a kiss at each other, beating the ever living shit out of each other in sparring, and also, begrudgingly falling in love. Honestly, I’m a freak. But it does help me work out scenes if I can imagine them through the camera. Yep, I learned to write working in a video store. Just go with it.

I should stress, these songs aren’t close to being my favourite songs at all. They merely fitted into the soundtrack of my mind to assist me on my journey.

My favourite songs would be from the 90’s.

Don’t start me on another rant as to why todays music is shit. Because it is. You can argue all you want, but you will never change my mind. How very modern thinking of me. How about, “I completely respect your thoughts on the matter but I’m stuck in my ways and unwilling to budge, so fuk off.”

Better.

Perhaps the last decade of music could have been a lot better if only some decent record labels took a chance on idiot geniuses a little more.

Ho hum.

Anyway, please enjoy the songs at your leisure.

I’m off to go listen to some new songs for the new project.

Ice ice baby for the win!

Take care of yourselves and each other.

The ROB

Ps, this email began yesterday and ended just now.

In that time - the fuken sheep was taken back home.

I know it’s a good thing, but still, what if he’d been pregnant?

I could have had two sheep!!!

I haven’t yet told my wife that he’s off over the far field with his bros doing sheep things.

She’ll probably only discover it now through reading this.

Hi Jan! It’s me from the past.

See, I told you we don’t need a sheep.

Or chickens!

Wait…. Why are sheep plural and singular?

That’s so weird.