Date: 26.04.2023

We all have a natural tendency to feel good. To experience pleasure. To find happiness. But I think that our (wrong) approach to getting a sense of joy, is often the reason we can't hold that joy for a long period of time.

Society promotes the easy way of getting your daily dose of delight - the consumer's way.

According to modern unspoken beliefs, the current antidote to a dull life is acquiring more physical possessions or simply consuming more stuff.

However, the side effect of this consumption leads us to a downward spiral:

The more we consume >>> The more addicted we become to consuming >>> The more crippled we become to have a more decent life >>> This makes us want to consume even more.

An example I want to introduce is with the behavior of smoking.

You smoke not necessarily because you are addicted to nicotine - or at least at first. You smoke because you are addicted to what smoking offers - a short pleasurable moment away from your obnoxious life.

And that's not all. The more you smoke. The more money you waste. The more smoking interferes with your health. The more you will weaken yourself - make yourself unable to escape this treacherous cycle.

It kind of looks like this...

Smoking makes you feel good at the moment, but makes your overall situation worse. The more your health worsens, the more you want to experience pleasure - to escape the pain. Thus, you smoke more but further damage yourself. It's quite a conundrum.

Instead of trying to get to happiness through pleasure. We can try to get it through pain.

The pain we experience when we're in the gym, training, feels awful - at first. But this pain then molds into a pleasurable sensation - a nice, capable physique.

The pain we'll experience through abandoning a nasty habit will feel crushing. But this pain will then shape into a sense of pride. Pride that we are able to abstain from a damaging habit in our dopamine-overloaded world.

Overall, the problem with happiness is not that we want to feel good. It's how we are trying to get to this pleasurable state.

• Amusing Ourselves To Death by Neil Postman: A book about a world yet to be infiltrated by the Internet. In Amusing Ourselves To Death, Neil Postman explains how the cultural transition from a print-based society to a television-obsessed one negatively influences our lives. The author traces how our civilization went through several stages of communication – from mostly oral, to typographic-minded, and now we mainly being visually entertained.

Interesting books I recently added to my reading list (and hopefully will read at some point):

• Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity by Peter Attia MD: Outlive is a comprehensive guide to healthy aging. Offering readers a wealth of knowledge and practical advice for achieving optimal health and vitality in later life.
• The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler by Heinz L. Ansbacher: This book is an accessible and informative introduction to the key principles and concepts of Adlerian psychology. Making it a valuable resource for anyone interested in exploring human behavior and mental health.

From my desk:

• Core Values Exercise: A Scientific Method for Achieving Life Goals: The harsh reality in relation to living in accordance with what you deeply care about is the following: Values are everywhere, but opportunities to live up to your values are not.

From around the web:

• The Release Ratio: How to Make Use of Everything You Know: "To make content consumption meaningful, you must create or build something with it. It can be something concrete like a product or a service. It can even be something more process-driven like a habit or culture."

The False Self

We are often denied the opportunity to be fully ourselves. Because our caregivers, and society as a whole, want to have certain control over us. In time, we create a defensive façade that aims to attune us to the outside demands.

The theory of the true self and the false self is a concept created by English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. Winnicott said that the "true self" is about the spontaneous experience and a feeling of being alive. Conversely, the "false self" is a mask we put on to conform to the expectations of society - denying our true nature and suppressing our authentic desires.

The sad truth is that we have to comply in order to be loved and tolerated.

Since others will disapprove of our behavior if it doesn't fit a certain framework, we have to be false in order to be alive.

And while the immense emotional privilege of being able to be true to yourself is getting a bit easier in our age. We are still afraid to show our true side. Because if our true self is neglected and misunderstood, this leaves us where?

Again, bargain for love and acceptance.

Leaving your false self behind and being your true self happens by regaining confidence in your honest expressions. Speaking with someone about your real desires. Your deep wants. This, will make you feel OK with being you.

To those following the updates related to my site - I'm near the finish line of publishing a course.

I'm taking everything I know - or at least everything I know in relation to habits and self-discipline. And putting in together in a self-paced course.

Kind of expectedly, it took me more time than I originally planned.

Probably it will be ready by the end of May, but I can't say that with certainty.

I'll announce it via my newsletter once ready.

Thank you for your time!

And talk soon!

Regards,

Ivaylo Durmonski