Some words stay with you and light a path in your life.  For me, one of those guiding quotations is a couplet from Dag Hammarskjold:

For all that has been, thanks.

To all that will be, yes.

These words challenge us in this particular season of Thanksgiving, while we count our blessings and also mark our losses.  It has been a tough year for many of us, a year of isolation, a year when other illnesses did not stop just because we faced a new health crisis.  This month a friend who wrote a guest blog for the Stella website suffered a stroke and is slowly recovering.  Other friends are gravely ill with cancer.  Several people in our circle are seriously ill with coronavirus.  Plans to be with our family for important celebrations have been undone.  Some of these events are the unavoidable consequence of age, what the poet Donald Hall called the “ceremony of losses.”  Other losses result from the chaotic management of the pandemic here in the United States.  Whatever the reason, each of them bruises the soul.

At the same time, many of us have experienced joy this year, sometimes in spite of the virus, and in other cases as a paradoxical result of lockdown.  You may have expanded your circle of friends through our new facility with video internet.  You may have taken advantage of an empty calendar to focus on projects, including your writing.  You may have reconnected with the natural world and the beauty of the changing seasons during this slower time. 

I’m thankful for the opportunity this strange year brought to focus even more on writing.  I wrote the Love in Lockdown series to call attention to the fact that, even in a pandemic, women after midlife continue as passionate beings.  This month we published the first two in the series:  mini-collections of stories about the erotic lives of women in California and New York, called Her Poly Pod and Dance Macabre.  And we are close to publishing the third and last volume in the series, a longer collection set in a senior community in North Carolina called The Erotic Pandemic Ball. 

I’m also thankful that this month I wrote a draft of my first novel, Brilliant Charming Bastard, with the structure and electronic encouragement of National Novel Writing Month. If you have not explored what NaNoWriMo has to offer, please do yourself that favor, so that you can sign up for next year.

In addition to the free novel writing event each November, the organization also hosts Camp NaNoWriMo writing events in April and July. Their admirable philosophy is: Let No Story Go Untold. That includes the stories of those who in the past have had limited access to publication (such as women after midlife who write erotica).

Two of the things for which I am most thankful were blog topics this month - see details below. After the election I wrote about our Vice President-elect, a woman of color who is also a woman past midlife. It was such a pleasure to learn more about the truly amazing Kamala Harris in order to write about her, and my admiration for her grew even more in the process. 

I am also thankful that the joy and creativity of women past midlife continues during this challenging time. It was tremendous fun to read Pamela Skjolsvik’s new novel, Forever 51, about the permanently menopausal vampire and hospice nurse Veronica Bouchard. And it was a kick to talk with Pamela for the blog. Her understated humor is as evident in the interview as it was in the novel.

Writing is such a joy for many of us, and a source of solace in difficult times. Writing can also be isolating, but it does not need to be. Two online Elderotica groups are now meeting each month, and there is so much power in sharing our work and talking about our lives. We have limited space in each group and plans to begin a third group. Please drop a line to stella [at] stellafosse.com if you are interested in learning more about these free groups, including their playful structure and the positive feedback we give to one another.

It is tough to be thankful for all that has been this year, a year in which we, like soldiers in some viral war, have alternated between boredom and terror. But it is very possible to give thanks that we are still here, still growing, changing, creative and rebellious. 

And it is quite possible to say yes to all that will be: A new year that may bring us more hope and more freedom, a time when we will take what we learned this year and apply it. Never take a breath of fresh air for granted. Never take all those lovely distractions we used to enjoy for granted. 

Remember to breathe, remember to write. 

Remember how much we can accomplish when we narrow our focus. Keep in mind what Oprah said: You can have it all, just not all at once. And tell our stories now, because we never know what is around the corner, what new thing will arrive to teach us unexpected lessons.

I hope that this holiday season brings you joy and hope, however it is configured, and however creative we each must be to connect. You are worthy and your stories are important. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, writing is too important to be taken seriously.

Keep your pen moving and your keys clicking.

All the best,

Stella Fosse

P.S. Please drop me a line if you would like to suggest a blog topic or would like to write a guest blog yourself.

You may remember the terrific guest post by my friend Simone LaBerge, “Sexuality Down the Decades,” where she reflected on her own sexual development from childhood to her seventies and talked about her hopes for the years ahead. 

Her writing inspired me to create a free short course to help you to reflect on your journey so far and your hopes for the days to come. 

Sign up for a fascinating interior journey, and share the details with your close friends and on social media please!

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Thank YOU!