10 Iyar, 5711
Blessings and greetings,
You will certainly forgive me for writing to you about your personal matters.
I often heard from my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe that ahavas Yisrael, the love of one’s fellow Jew, applies even to a Jewish person in a distant place, even to one whom one has never seen. In such an instance as well, our holy Torah has commanded “Love your fellow man as yourself.” If there is a hope that one will be able to help someone who is far away and whom one does not know, there is a holy obligation incumbent on each and every one to act on behalf of his fellow man, for “all of Israel are friends.”
I was informed that possible matches were suggested for you on several occasions and because of various reasons, you did not agree to them.
It is obvious that it is impossible to give an opinion on a particular suggestion from a distance. I will, however, take the license to make a general comment.
Marriage is the event of primary importance in the life of a man or a woman, leaving an imprint on the person’s entire life. As such, [one must approach] it in a patient manner; it cannot be rushed.
That having been said, like all the events in the life of a person — whether of small or great [import] — it is impossible for a person to calculate all the factors involved, for ultimately, he is extremely limited and his mind and his thoughts are not able to encompass all the causes and consequences involved in every particular matter. To a certain extent, it is necessary to exercise the attribute of trust in all matters: to rely on G‑d that He will coordinate the matter in a positive way in all of its particulars.
This also holds true with regard to a Shidduch. It is impossible to find a situation that is perfect in all its particulars. And it is impossible to take into account all the possible consequences and their end results. Hence if the fundamental matters are satisfactory, frequently, it is desirable to forgo certain secondary matters that appear, or one imagines are, inadequate. In particular, this is true since it is possible that [the undesirable factor] is only imagined and, in truth, the two [people involved] are compatible.
There are those who say that these matters are the private affairs of the two people involved. In truth, however, this is not so. For the entire Jewish people share bonds of mutual responsibility, and the welfare — or the opposite — of any man or woman has an effect on his family and his friends, even those in distant places. If this is true in ordinary times, how much more so does the message apply today after the awesome Holocaust in which myriads of our Jewish brethren, may G‑d avenge their blood, were taken from us. As a consequence, every Jewish home that is established today is of manifold importance. This is particularly true when one can hope that the home will be built on the foundation of the Torah and its mitzvos.
I hope that you will be able to share good news concerning the above. I conclude with my blessing that you will be able to establish yourself successfully in the near future with regard to material and spiritual matters.
I am interested in knowing whether you are involved in communal activities in your surroundings and in what manner.
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