My Sister's Keeper

April/May 2019- Volume 2 Issue 2

Table of Contents

Declutter Your Mind For Spring

Online Therapy

Microaggressions at Work

Cassia Lohar, LCSW

Ask a Sister Therapist

 

Declutter Your Mind For Spring- Racquel P. Jones, LCSW-R

Spring is the perfect time to declutter everything, your home, your closet and your mind.

Remember having a  cluttered mind  can make you unproductive, indecisive and keep you stuck.

I’ve compiled  3-steps to help you spring clean your mind 

 DECLUTTER YOUR MIND BY ‘BEING DECISIVE’

When you know what you want, it becomes easier to achieve it.  we all  have a lot on our minds and sometimes it can feel impossible to make a decision however once you become more decisive you'll see it's not as daunting as it may seem.  Evaluate the pors and cons and make your decision and don't look back.

 

  DECLUTTER YOUR MIND BY ‘PRIORITIZING’

Having clear goals and priorities each day/week/month/year is the best way to become decisive and take charge of your life. First  figure out what things matter the most to you in life.  Next, prepare a list of your top priorities, the goals you want to achieve first. Then create a plan with smaller tasks and steps that will help you achieve your larger goals.

 

  DECLUTTER YOUR MIND BY ‘LETTING GO’

Become aware of your thoughts, monitor them regularly and  let go of the thoughts that do not serve you. s. If you find that negative thoughts are dominating your day, a way to  combat this is  to schedule  15 minutes every day to worry and reflect. This helps you to confine your worries to one set time, rather than allowing them to take over your day.

Remember having too much on your mind can make you feel overwhelmed and stop you from  achieving what you want. By decluttering  your mind, you will  free up the mental space you need to achieve your full potential. .

Online Therapy

Racquel P. Jones, LCSW-R

In addition to seeing clients in the  office,  I also offer online video therapy through a secure HIPAA compliant video platform. When I think about why clients choose online therapy, the first answer that comes to my mind is about convenience, the comfort of being in your own office or home, no travel necessary, the time saved, and the time of sessions is usually more flexible.  I admit I was skeptical about doing online therapy but when I decided to begin offering it in my practice and I read about it, I realized that it is something I wanted to do in addition to seeing clients in a traditional office setting.  I have been providing online video therapy for awhile now and I think it’s a great addition to traditional in office therapy, in the future I hope to  only offer online therapy.

When I’ve asked clients how they feel about seeing me via video rather than in an office, they’ve stated that they feel comfortable working this way and it’s more convenient for them since they do not have to go to an office.  During a snow storm I was able to see 7 clients online, I would not have been able to do this in an office because it would have been very difficult for me or my clients to get to the office.

Another reason some people chose online therapy is that it gives an added layer of confidentiality.  With online therapy, no one else has to know that you’re going to therapy unless you chose to tell them.  I don’t feel as comfortable doing telephone therapy as I prefer to see my clients when we’re speaking however telephone counseling is also an option if video is not available.  I  do not offer texting therapy.

Some clients would not benefit from online therapy and do need to be seen in an office.  Clients who are actively psychotic would not be good candidates for online therapy.  Also clients who have recent suicidal attempts would benefit from  in office therapy until they are more stable.

I have found the outcomes for my clients to be just as good whether I see them online or in my office and I’m so glad I’m able to  offer online therapy.

Microaggressions at Work

Racquel P. Jones, LCSW-R

Being a Black woman at work often means dealing with microaggressions from other co workers.  This is a list of  common ones and how to deal with them.

1- When White people think you’re the help-  This happens often because people often don’t  except Black women to be in corporate or professional positions.  While we should never believe we’re above people in service positions always be assertive in telling people who you are when they assume you’re the waiter, waitress or bus person..

2-When your presence disturbs them-  For some reason many people are afraid of Black women especially if we raise our voice or seem assertive.  Don’t make yourself smaller to please anyone, always stand tall and speak your truth.

3-When your hair seems to be the talk of the office-  Why do they always want to touch our hair?  If you’re not comfortable with anyone touching your hair say please don’t touch my hair, I’ve done this before, they will get the message.

4-Your voice is heard but not acknowledged-  You say something then your White co worker says the same thing and somehow they’re acknowledged.  This is extremely frustrating.  Speak up and make your voice heard.

5- When you’re stereotyped-  Have you ever had a White woman co worker run to management crying because you corrected her?  I had this happen with an intern I was supervising and I was told to be nicer to her.  The tears can be annoying but remember they often cry because they don’t want to stand up to you and are afraid of your greatness.

It gets frustrating dealing with this stuff but no matter what remember you’re fabulous.

Cassia Lohar, LCSW

We have a new therapist joining our practice, Cassia Lohar LCSW . Cassia is a graduate of Fordham University and has many years of practice as a therapist throughout NYC. She’s accepting new clients and we’re very happy to have her join us at Transforming Lives Counseling Service.

Ask a Sister Therapist

Dear Racquel.

In the past I was very promiscuous.  I'm  involved with someone now and told him about my past and everything seemed ok but recently he keeps asking me questions about other men I've been with, I wish I had never told him anything.  How can I help him to see that those other people don't matter.

Jessica W

Hi Jessica,

Thank you for reaching out to me.  It's not your responsibility to convince him that you are no longer with anyone else or that you're not interested in anyone else.  Maybe you and he would benefit from couples therapy to work out why he feels this way about your past history.  Take care.

Best,

Racquel.

 

Dear Racquel,

I'm 25 and I don't have any friends and feel really lonely.  I have friends on social media but don't really know them.  I see people going out and having fun and I'm always home by myself.  I don't know how to make friends.

Linda J

Hi Linda,

Thank you for reaching out to me.  It can be difficult to make friends especially as an adult.  Maybe try joining organizations or activities with other like minded people and that way you can meet people who you have things in common with, meetup.com often has good groups and activities.  Take care.

Best,

Racquel

 

Dear Racquel,

I cut my sister out of my life because she's a terrible person who has caused me nothing but pain and misery.  My mother doesn't understand why I cut her out of my life and wants me to speak to her, I love my mom but want nothing to do with my sister.  I have another sister and brother and we speak but this sister is not someone I want in my life.

Val G

Hi Val,

Thank you for reaching out to me.  I'm sorry for the difficulties with your sister.  If you feel that she can't be in your life, it's perfectly ok to have nothing to do with her.  Your mom probably wants everyone to get along but you can't allow someone who causes you pain and misery into your life.  Explain to your mom why you can't have your sister in your life and even if she doesn't agree, remember you have to take care of yourself and do what you can to lead a peaceful life. Take care.

Best

Racquel

If you have a question for Ask a Sister Therapist, feel free to email me at rjoneslcsw@transforminglivesonline.org .  All identifying information will be kept confidential.

Thank you

 

Thank you for reading and subscribing to My Sister's Keeper, the newsletter of Transforming Lives Counseling Service.  I founded Transforming Lives in 2016 to provide therapy to women and adolescents especially Black women and girls.  Along with my colleagues  Latifa A. Williams, LMHC and Cassia Lohar, LCSW  we provide therapy within a  holistic and culturally sensitive framework.  You can visit our website at www.transforminglivesonline.org.  Thanks for reading and the newsletter will be back soon.

Warmly

Racquel

 

 

 

 

 

Transforming Lives Counseling Service

19 W 34th Street, New York
United States

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