“From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I…I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.” – Psalm 61:2-4 (NKJV)
I am wrestling. A deep wrestling within. A stirring. A yearning to understand.
I know there are reasons for the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the sweet and the bitter. I hold onto a calling and a purpose that is higher than me – from God. My hope is secure in the salvation found in Jesus, my Lord and Savior. And I am grateful.
Yet, I don’t always know or understand the reason in each moment or season of life. The why behind the what is happening. And it causes me to wrestle. Do you ever feel that way?
I stop short of using the word doubt because it’s not that. It is an uncomfortable unknowing.
This past week I lost a dear friend. I am unable to grasp or even begin to clearly think about it. It is unfathomable. That it happened. That he’s gone. That I’ll never see his giant smile and happy eyes ever again. That he knew Christ and still.
This unsettled whirring in my spirit began at the beginning of COVID, and this gave it a fresh spin. This feeling that there is no more time left. That I need to be about my Heavenly Father’s business. That I should treasure those who are important to me, and live out my purpose.
This loss also brings me to a new place of humble awe. Just weeks before his death, my friend purchased several copies of my book, LIVE IT OUT – Hope, and he introduced me to the pastors in town for whom he bought the books as a gift.
That moment with him was the gift – my friend believed in me so much that he wanted to share my devotional journal with the spiritual leaders of our community. An act that was selfless, loving, and eternal. He knew that the message of hope would go forward by sharing my story. A story of overcoming. And he connected me to a group of people’s whose whole job is to be hope dealers.
I am grateful to have known him, and I can truly say that my life is better because of knowing him.
And I am left with a persistent, uncomfortable unknowing that I must give back to God. I will lift up my eyes to the One who knows the end from the beginning. Won’t you join me.
You and I, we have another day to look to Him, listen to Him, hope in Him.
What will we do with it?
Call. Love. Embrace. Give. Serve. Forgive.
In memory of J.R. Pinon March 1, 1960 – November 19, 2021
For a glimpse into my story of hope and perseverance, check out my book,
LIVE IT OUT – Hope, A Devotional Journal.
Connect with me at CodieWinslow.com or on social media on Facebook (Codie Winslow) and @codiewinslow on Instagram.
Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.