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Why bother with Buddhism? What is to be gained? There are days I’d just like to forget I ever heard of Buddhist teachings, days that I’d like to be totally judgmental, totally wanting my way and not conflicted about feeling that way. At the end of this type of day, I always end up being totally miserable. Not only did I not get my way, but I didn’t live up to the teachings I “preach” and feel guilt along with misery.
It’s the judgmental part that always trips me up. At the Cleveland Buddhist Temple we say “come as you are.” The implication is there is no judgment of good or bad, no judgment of “shoulds,” no judgment at all. We say this because of Amida Buddha, the concept that accepts us, just as we are - no judgment. But I’m not the Amida Buddha embracing all as they are, not even any way near that part of the known universe.
In the past I could feel and act with irrational righteous indignation openly, freely and without guilt. Today, when I do, I’m burdened with the knowledge that the only one who pays the price of suffering for that mental state is me and only me. The person I am judging isn’t suffering, I am. The person whom I want to behave differently isn’t behaving differently and doesn’t even care what I think; I’m the one carrying the burden of turmoil, no one else.
Just as you can never put the genie back in the bottle, once the truth and proof of Buddhist teachings is out, it is out for good. Once you experience the calm and joy that comes from putting a Buddhist teaching into true practice, you understand why these 2,600 year old teachings continue to be taught.
As I grow into the Buddhist teachings over time, I find I am calmer, and actually feel good. I’ve pretty much stopped feeling anger or annoyance when people don’t behave as I expect. It is liberation from the tyranny of my ego beliefs about the actions and thinking of others. This did not happen overnight. This has taken me years. And yet, there are circumstances that take place where my ego takes over, and I’m back to judging and anger. Over time, this happens less and less, for me.
I bother, because when I follow the teachings, it works. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t bother. This is one of the truths of the Buddha – not to accept a teaching because of who offers it, but only if it works for you. This is, as they say, the proof of the pudding. It is in the eating of the pudding that you know its truth. And with our Buddhist teachings, it is with the experience, our own experience that we know it is true.
Namo Amida Butsu.
In Gassho,
Rev. Anita
rev.anita.cbt@outlook.com
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