Share this with a friend who needs help deciding. 

by Kate Cardoz 

When a relationship ends, you may want to break their things, block them, or even burn their pictures like Geet in ‘Jab We Met.’ Okay not burn, but the deadly equivalent - delete all their pictures from the gram to leave absolutely no trace!

Been there, done that, not proud.

But after a few days (or even a couple of weeks), the anger settles. And then, you begin to feel a sense of loss. It's completely natural. After all, you've shared a large part of who you are with this person. Your likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and even your insecurities.

This time is bound to be messy. And then there’s the eternal question from them - "But we can still be friends, right?" This can leave you typing and deleting your response for the tenth time, still feeling lost and confused. When you think of this question - the straightforward, no-brainer, movie-proof answer is ‘absolutely not!!’

I would love it if real life was like Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’s end sequence where Kabir and Natasha are happily dancing to Sooraj Ki Baahon mein. But relationships are often far from being black and white. So before you reply to that text from your ex, here are some things to consider:

1. How did the relationship end?

Did it end on mutually agreeable terms? Or did it end on not-so-good (“never show me your face again”) terms? If it's the latter, then you definitely need to take some space from this person.

2. Does the thought of seeing them with another person hurt?

This could be an extremely painful phase where you think “How could they have moved on so quickly?!” “Was I more invested in this relationship than them?”

If these thoughts cross your mind, then my friend, you have some more moving on to do.

3. What's your reason for staying friends with this person?

Are you feeling lonely and still hoping that the spark will rekindle, or do you genuinely miss sharing parts of your life with them? It's important to sit with your feelings and figure this out.

Things can still be tricky once you decide to stay friends with an ex, and there's no right way to deal with it. But here's how I've learnt to make this journey a tad bit easier: 

1. Do a vibe check.

Discuss where they are at with their feelings for you and likewise with yourself.
Have an honest and open conversation. It seems incredibly tough at first but once it's done, you'll be glad you talked things through!

2. Discuss boundaries.

What's acceptable and what's not! Talking about the past, especially sexy times, is bound to rekindle feelings or make someone uncomfortable.

3. Lean on your friends for support.

Lastly, reach out to your friends for support to navigate this weird phase. Whether it's - “I want to get back together” or “I can't believe they did that to me!” - text, they will always be here for you when you need to rant, fighting the urge to blurt “I told you so gurl!”

What are your thoughts on being friends with your ex? Did it get easier with time or is it a big red flag for you? I would love to know. Write to me!

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