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Hi ,
I had an amazing opportunity to take some of my own medicine last week.
Granted, at first I didn't see it that way. At first, I spiraled out into a bubbling mess of fear and shame.
I had an interaction with someone regarding a piece of content I produced that left me feeling all of my worst fears.
It left me feeling like I was a fraud.
It left me feeling like I was a bad person.
It left me feeling like I wasn't good enough.
And because this was an interaction with someone who I deeply respect and admire, it cut deep. I sat in those feelings for almost 24 hours, during which time I felt incapable of working or doing much else of anything. All I could hear were those stories echoing in my head and flowing to every part of my body. (Feel familiar, ?)
It knocked me down so hard that I almost cancelled a group coaching call I was due to facilitate. But because I am deeply committed to my clients, I knew that wasn't an option. I knew I had to pull out all my ninja coaching tools and use them on myself before I let the one-gal pity party go on any longer.
So I did exactly that. And I want to share some of those tools with you in case they come in handy for you now or down the road when you're feeling similarly stuck.
1) I let myself feel what I was feeling, without judgement
When we layer judgement on top of any of our other feelings -- sadness, fear, anger, shame -- it makes it exponentially harder to move through them. This can come up especially for those of us who've been doing our inner work. We feel our fear of failure, or of visibility, or some other familiar wound and think, "God, this again? I thought I got over this already..."
But the thing is, these old wounds don't every go away completely. There will always be things that come up that poke at the scars. In those moments, we owe it to those parts of us to treat them kindly and be present for them.
2) I asked those parts of me where they came from and what they wanted most for me.
These are techniques that I learned from Joanna Lindenbaum and Richard Schwartz. When we lean in and actually dialogue with the wounded parts of us, we start to understand more of why we so get triggered in the first place, and what wisdom is often nestled right underneath the reactivity.
And when we can see these reactions as patterns, it helps us to tease apart what has actually happened from the story we're telling ourselves about it. When I did this, I realized that I was actually reacting to old events, not the moment that was in.
3) I reached for my tarot deck
Or more, precisely, my Herbiary oracle deck by Maia Toll . I actually keep my collection of tarot and oracle decks right next to my desk, because whenever I feel lost or struggling, they almost invariably give me just the guidance I need to navigate the moment.
That day, I drew the Dandelion card, which is all about perseverance and adaptation. "What little change can you make," Toll asks, "that will allow you to thrive in your current situation?" This was just the attitude adjustment I needed to be able to move on to step 4....
4) I looked for the hidden opportunity
In the world of permaculture, we often say "the problem is the solution;" that is, what we see as wrong or bad or problematic in a landscape is quite often as asset that we're just not seeing clearly.
The same is true for our inner landscape. Instead of fighting against these bad feelings and just get sucked deeper into them as a result, I tried on a different perspective.
What if these hard feelings were just part and parcel of being a fully alive human being?
What if they were just trying to shine a light on part of me that still needs some healing?
What if sitting in this discomfort (and not in the story) allowed me to come up with a new way of responding, rather than reacting? A response that was generative and healing, and that facilitated growth and transformation?
Indeed, after working with all these tools I ended up having a really fruitful conversation with this other person that not only quieted those inner critics, but also led to some exciting ideas on how to make the content in question even better (more on that soon!).
So other than to share some of my tools with you, why am I telling you all this?
Because I want you to know that getting imposter syndrome or feeling "not enough" is something that everybody feels. Yes, even your teachers and mentors. It doesn't mean you're actually a fraud, it just means you're human (and that you care about your work, both good things).
Because I want you to know that the more you practice working through the hard parts, the easier it gets, and the faster you can get back on track after the apple cart gets turned over.
And because I also want to remind you that YOU probably ALSO have tools like this. That there is probably medicine that you offer your clients, your friends, and your family when they are having hard times -- and it's medicine you may forget to take yourself.
So, a quick exercise to close with, :
Think of something you're struggling with at the moment in your business (or in life more generally)
Now, what advice would you give someone else going through that same thing? What would the herbalist/clinician/mentor/coach/parent/friend say to you right now?
This is your medicine, and it is potent. Don't let it gather dust, deary. Let it flow into all the places within yourself that need it.
With the plants,
Stephanie
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