OK, my friends, I am going to vent, first thing.
Has this happened to you?
I went to the optometrist last week and the nurse asked for my birthdate, which I then told her.
“Very good!” she exclaimed in an extremely enthusiastic voice, as if I were a three-year-old just learning when I was born.
Or an old, decrepit person in the process of forgetting when she was born.
In her terrific book This Chair Rocks, Ashton Applewhite quotes studies showing that when older people are treated as if they are less competent, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We can internalize that message so that it changes our expectations for ourselves. People who have identified as smart and successful their entire adult lives can begin to question their abilities, looking for evidence that they are failing, and interpreting their own performance differently than they would have done in their forties. So it’s important to push back about those messages during interpersonal interactions.
I know all that, and I am all about the empowerment of women past midlife. Yet in that moment I could not think of one thing to say. It was especially challenging to call this out because the person didn’t use belittling words; her tone conveyed it all. I am sure my facial expression reflected my disapproval, but under a mask our nonverbal cues don’t help.
Dear Reader, I would love it if you would comment on this newsletter with comebacks you have used in situations like this one.
In return, I will gladly send you a code for a free copy of my Love in Lockdown series, as a thank-you for a helpful way to address this kind of ageism in the moment.
Alright. I’m finished venting now.
This month I had the opportunity to interview Sally Bellerose about her new novel Fishwives, the story of two lesbian women who make a life together in the second half of the twentieth century. I loved the grittiness of this book. These characters choose each other every day, even though they are surrounded by a society that disapproves of their relationship. Reading this novel reminded me that in a heterosexual relationship, there are invisible social supports that encourage a couple to stay together. We are essentially swimming with the tide. In a gay or lesbian relationship, the partners continually swim against the tide. And these women swim valiantly, throughout their lifelong partnership. I recommend reading Fishwives because it’s a fine novel, and also because it can raise our awareness.
Meanwhile, I’m busy cooking up afternoon workshops and also a new magazine to feature sexy writing by women like you. Should be fun and empowering.
Look for a Call for Submissions for the magazine soon.
And I hope you are vaccinated. It takes away so much of the worry, doesn’t it? Here in North Carolina, we are even starting to see walk-in vaccination sites with no appointment needed. From what I’m reading, breakthrough infections for vaccinated people are very rare. And when they do occur, they tend to be much less serious. This is a global problem that must be addressed globally, and so I am glad to see that our country will be sending vaccine to countries with continued large outbreaks. May this year bring more freedom for us all.
Please keep your pen moving, or your keys clicking.
Please keep reading erotica by Women of a Certain Age.
And do, do let me know what snappy comebacks you use when you encounter ageism. We are all in this together!
All best wishes for a glorious season,
|