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Hi ,
I hope you’re doing well.
This week I’m going to share something super personal with you. It’s about change. I’ve just moved house (yesterday) and the process to leaving my home was one of the most emotional things I’ve ever done and I’ve had a wedding and a kid! I couldn’t believe just HOW emotional I have been since my solicitor told me we had exchanged. I couldn’t place my feelings for days. I just kept bursting into tears whenever I was alone in my home, whenever I had a moment to reflect and the tears just kept pouring. On packing day (something I proudly delegated to a company - best thing ever FYI) I had a fight with husband and straight after just burst into really hard tears - the type from your gut! What the f*** is wrong with me? Was all that kept floating through me. I still didn’t know why I was being so emotional, I knew it would be sad but I really had no idea it would be this hard!
On packing day, husband and I went out for lunch (because they literally packed EVERYTHING) we only had a carton of milk and a teaspoon left 🤣. Whilst at lunch, we were trying to gauge how the other was feeling and check-in with each other. Whilst talking, I realised why I was so sad and why this was so hard for me. We also realised that this move had us feeling things we’d never felt before - we were nervous, we weren’t even nervous on our wedding day(s) or when our son was born but this move, really did have us in a new place emotionally.
We had decided to sell to move closer to family. This is also our first step towards a new life in Spain. This move clears our debts. This move gets us into a house (we were in a flat). This move brings exciting change - see, all positive. Change has an affect on us, some love it, others loathe it. I’m one of the ones that loves it! I think it’s great and I welcome it but for the first time ever, I am scared of what this change means.
Even though I am married and have a child with this man, the flat, was mine. It was all mine. It was my declaration of independence from my parents home. It was where I learned how to be an adult. It was where my career started, it was where my career peaked, it was where my first babies (Mowgli, dog and Peri, cat - they have passed on) lived with me before my husband. It was where I lost myself, had a breakdown, it was where my business started. It was where I hosted parties - such great parties. It was where friends told me their good news. It was the first HOME I had built all by myself and it was a complete and utter reflection of me. Matured with me, changed with me and always kept me safe.
A lot to reflect, appreciate, grieve and smile at.
Needless to say, it inspired this week’s blog: How to Manage Change Effectively. I hadn’t planned for the outcomes of selling my beautiful home. I hadn’t given myself enough time to reflect and grieve the joys this home had brought me. I didn’t say goodbye to all the love received here. I felt a little lost… I’m ok now, especially as the stress has moved on and I’m really excited for the journey ahead. I just wished I had spent a little more time feeling my feelings.
This has turned into a bit of an essay, sorry. It was a big week for me and I want to share my insights with you, cos you’re my tribe and part of this journey of life with me too.
Have a lovely weekend and I wish you lots of love, Puja x
“You can't stop the future
You can't rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
...is to press play.” - Jay Asher
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