ChabadMatch Update

Kislev 5777 Edition 7

Yitzchak & Rivkah: The 1st Shidduch

In last week's Parsha we read: "And Yitzchak took Rivkah, and she became his wife, and he loved her." First she became his wife, and then he loved her. It was only after they were married that they discovered the depth for each other. The stories of the Avos are a lesson for all of us. When going on Shidduchim we should keep in mind that true love can take time to develop. Rabbi Manis Friedman elaborates in the video below the mental picture we should create in preparation for Shidduchim..

Rabbi Manis Friedman: Picturing the Life You Want

Shadchan Up Close: Rabbi Moishe Raitman of Chicago, IL

Q. How did you first get involved in Shidduchim?

A. I've always been "a people's person"; able to relate to people of different backgrounds regardless of their standards etc. I pride myself in being non-judgemental, believing most people are intrinsically good individuals - solid citizens. In Pirkei Avos Chapter 2 Mishna 4, Hillel says: ואל תדין את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו - Don't judge your fellow until you have reached his place. It is with this premise I have been successful to reach out and help those who seek my advice.Like many chassanim in their Shana Rishono (1st year of marriage), I was approached by family, friends and anash in communities I had been as a bochur on shlichus or camps for suggestions for shidduchim. Over the past 25+ years , I was involved in counseling those fearful of 'taking the plunge' and committing to marriage. 
   About 8 years ago, I realized that because the demand was so great, I was investing more and more of my time and energy in this holy work. At this point, I made a conscious decision to commit and avail myself to those who seek my services. This has become a #1 priority for me. 
   The need is huge on many levels; as well as the zechus of guiding one to their chuppah. The thought that I can be Hashem's shaliach and affect generations to come made my decision a slam dunk. This is my calling. 
   As a shadchan/Counselor my goal is to be שדכן בעל מרץ - dedicated, passionate and someone who has your interests in mind as a priority.

Q. What Shidduchim do you specialize in?

A. I do not limit myself to a certain age group because counselling applies to those beginning to date, in the 'parsha', those who have dated endlessly, Middle-aged, Divorced, Chabad, non-Chabad, Chassidish, Litvish, Modern, FFB or BT, and parents. Unfortunately, many do not realize they are spinning wheels and fortunately I have helped many in all of the above categories. Some people only want suggestions. Whereas I do provide suggestions if I honestly feel it may be shayech, I find how one handles the suggestion is as critical. Don't be quick to reject.


Q. What suggestions do you have for Shidduchim in the Parsha?
A. עשה לך רב - Make for yourself a mentor, applies in all facets of life. One can always gain from someone who has the experience and can possibly assist the person getting to the next level. Seek a Mashpia who is experienced in today's dating and can relate to today's generation. Ultimately it is the individual who makes the final decision. 
   The first and foremost singles and parents need in Shidduchim is Clarity, Self-Awareness, and Trust. The rest is all commentary. If you aren't honest or can't articulate who YOU really are, it will be difficult seeking your Bashert and committing to a successful marriage of harmony and Shalom Bayis.

  • Clarity of who you are yourself (self awareness).
  • Clarity who you are seeking as the ideal spouse.
  • Clarity what circumstances are deal breakers and what are negotiable.
  • Clarity as to what needs to be addressed and accomplished with each date
  • Clarity of what marriage is supposed to be.

One must also trust the mentor (Mashpia/counselor) and be willing with patience to go through the process. TRUST by listening, internalizing the advice, and seeking the truth, will IYH result in שמח תשמח with 'the right one at the right time'.

Rabbi Raitman invites you to sign up to receive his Tip of the Week at www.shadchancoach.com. He can be reached at 847-626-6445 or by email at moishe@shadchancoach.com

 

Dating Course

Use coupon code: Chabadmatch to receive a 60% discount on Rabbi Manis Friedman's 3-Part Teleseminar for Bochurim and Girls.

 

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